she works hard for the money...

okay, so I got a call from a lady about a boat out in Cali going to Alaska, Tahiti, and New Zealand... We're going out for coffee this afternoon. I'm nervous. Pray for me!

Sunday was nice. Woke up at a nice ripe 9 am, printed off some music for a dock party Keith and I are set to perform at on Friday, went to Old Navy and Barnes and Noble with Kim...

Found a really great book called The Lost Diary of Don Juan... Should be REQUIRED READING for all men who want to know how to woo a woman--to get her physically, you must touch her emotionally... Anyway, after watching Don Juan DiMarcowith Johnny Depp, my Don Juan has dark hair, dark eyes... and a sultry mystery behind his black leather mask. *Shiver*

But really, how difficult is it for a man to please a woman? All we really want is to be loved, adored, and protected. We want to know that we are safe with the man of our affections -- safe with our secrets and vulnerability. Our hearts are a fragile bubble, swirling a rainbow of colors, floating and safe when left untouched. Yet, we long to be touched. We beg to have a man extend his hand for us to light on -- gently, without pressure or force. Maybe the bubble is a poor analogy, but that's the best thing this feeble mind could think of right now. In short, and for you more concrete learners out there, women want to be adored, held in awe, with every inch of us appreciated -- even the spots we are most ashamed of (stretch marks, laugh lines, scars, flab). In our society, we are bombarded with messages that we aren't beautiful enough or good enough, and in many ways we never will be. Some of us will never have the mile-long legs, silky hair, thick, pouty lips, or graceful, fluttering fingers. We long for a man to come along and adore us physically, despite our flaws... Don't "look past" our flaws. See them, recognize them, and love us anyway. We want to be seen as his own personal Venus, worth the time and effort it takes to seduce us... As cheesy at it sounds, Bryan Adams's lyrics are pretty much dead on... Learn them. Love them.

This evening, Kim and Molly and I went out for dinner... I had some serious cabin fever, so we walked down to Eddie's -- a pub with some killer burgers. That was where the bonding started. Of course, it started with one of Kim's stories about living over a pub where Jack the Ripper allegedly lived. She told us wild stories about kegs tipping over, locked doors opening, and the cash register flying open... that unleashed a tidal wave of stories from Molly -- having grown up in Pennsylvania with daring sisters and cousins. We then moved into horror movies we'd seen... appalled that so many of them were based upon true events... Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wolf Creek, Exorcism of Emily Rose to name a few... We vowed that we'd probably have to sleep with the lights on tonight... hehehe.

Got a message from Lisa that I can some see Percy as she is in Melbourne for a couple days... May take off on Tuesday to visit my little stinker... Gosh I miss him!

Okay, so going for a day of dock walking tomorrow... EEEK! I'm nervous and excited. I'm not much of a self-promoter, but we'll see how things go. I'll be armed with several resumes and some business cards. Then Tuesday, I'll drive up to Melbourne to visit my BABY! And Thursday, I'm headed off to Key West to see Keith... And NEXT Monday starts my STCW training.

Oh yeah, and the powers that be got my resignation. Glad to put that chapter faaaaar behind me.

as a matter of fact, i am NOT a prostitute...

Good evening...

Just got finished watching Fool's Gold with Kim and Tac... MAN! Matthew McConaughy is sexy in every way possible! Anyway, Kate Hudson's character plays a yacht stewardess... check it out!

But, that's not the story. The STORY occurs on the way to Blockbuster to rent said movie. As is VERY common with yachties, Kim and I were walking the four blocks to the video store. Saves gas, good for the heart... you know. Well, two women walking together at 9pm must translate to "ladies of the night" to some pervy men because we got the STARE DOWN! One guy almost fell off his bike gawking at us! I wondered when the last time was he saw a member of the XX Sorority... Some guys were even calling to us, "Hey, ladies!" GA-ROSS! You couldn't pay me ENOUGH to even sneeze on the likes of them!

Besides, I was wearing a pink sundress that made me look like Mama Cass... and to top THAT, I'm about as red as a lobster... Oh yes, move over Marilyn Monroe, you've been dethroned.

mixin' and minglin'...

Hey there, my lovelies...

I'm back after a couple days of fun in the sun. That's right, I've been to the beach, and started the beginnings of a perma-tan (I hope). The aloe is in the freezer as we speak getting ready to chill my toasty back. As I sit, I can feel the rocking of the waves... I hope this helps me get my sea-legs.

Last night I went out to Waxy's with my roommate Molly. Her STCW cohort were going out to celebrate their "graduation" from the course. All I can say is WHAT a bunch of people!! Everyone was super sweet... Makes me excited to meet my own cohort. Anyway, Molly and I arrived at the pub before everyone and a group of British guys spotted us and invited us to sit down. They had just flown in that morning and were actually really fun! Contrary to popular belief, they had decent teeth, too.. hehehe... I hope we run into them again because I like to hear them talk.

Pretty soon the cohort started to arrive and I met about 10 people... over the course of the evening I mingled and talked with several of them... Mike's friend Bruce (not a yachtie, but a vet in the area...), Mike who was CRAZY, Richie from Perth, Australia, and Noah... Noah gets his own sentence because he's so stinking cool... Apparently, he left Chicago in April and kayaked over 1500 miles downriver to New Orleans, hitchhiked through to Alabama, SOMEHOW wound up in Ft. Lauderdale earlier this week. Like me, he quit his career to seek adventure and a perma-tan... Anyway, we had a great time chatting... We both broke out with "That's what SHE said!" at the same time and we KNEW we were going to be good buddies.

Yes, the past two evenings have been quite an adventure, but tonight I'm going to "have a quiet one" as Kim so succinctly put it. I have some money on a blockbuster card.... maybe we'll find one around here and rent Dirty Love or just watch one of Tac's... And tomorrow? Laundry!

More to come... Leave me a message... BEEEEEEEEP!

smack talkin to a jersey boy

Hey there, adoring fans... Yes, I know its the wee hours of ye morn and most "normal" folk are dreaming about their alarm clocks going on vacation... BUT, I'm wide awake and bursting to talk.

So I went out with Molly and Kim... my first REAL bar as a yachtie, and I must confess, I was feeling my oats tonight! As the three of us sat around talking about everything from Kim's diverse and VERY cool history to 9/11 to how much we love horses, we somehow grew closer... perhaps it was my guitar playing earlier in the day, or maybe it was us helping Molly write her resume for a SWEET job in the Med. Whatever it was, we were soon laughing and having a great time. At some point in the evening, a "tough" Jersey-boy came up to Kim and started hitting on her. He called her "New Zealand" and offered to buy us all drinks. I declined -- having turned down the last round in lieu of a water. Jersey man -- with slick hair, pierced ears, and white shorts -- challenges Kim and Molly to a pool game. Of course, he smears them in the ground, and I confront him (playfully) saying that a true gentleman would have at least allowed for SOME competition. What fun is it if he beats them so quickly? Well, it was ON then. Jersey boy didn't like my brazen attitude. We went back and forth at each other -- he saying I should learn how to treat a man, and I saying he should learn how to treat a woman. Somehow, I always got the last word, and he couldn't STAND it! He kept saying I needed another drink, and I told him I would be just fine if he would stand on the other side of the room. At one point, he approached Kim and told her to "plant one" on his cheek. I raised my hand and begged to do the honors... He wasn't amused, but everyone else surely was!

Honestly, did he think we were going to fall all over him? His arrogance and pig-headedness were ridiculous... His friends even recognized what an ass he was being and they stopped associating with him. Finally, I just ignored him and the other girls followed suit. Of course, that wasn't good enough for Jersey, and he had to continue to butt into our conversation. When he finally came over and tried to "apologize" for being a jerk, I looked at him and asked, "Who are you again?" and I went back to sipping my water.

I really don't know where all that came from. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I think it has something to do with the fact that for the first time in my life I can be whoever I want to be... I don't HAVE to be nice to these guys, and I WON'T BE. They don't deserve my sweet smile. I only reserve that for men who know how to lose once in a while, who don't barge in on girls who mind their own business, and who are more concerned with boosting those around them rather than themselves...

party time!

going to Waxy's bar for some networking and drinks. WAHOO!

harsh realities...

As promised, Kim and I took the bus to the mall today...  It was my first ride on public transportation, except for a few Metro rides in D.C.  Anyway, as soon as I stepped onto the ride, I encountered one side of urban life that many intentionally ignore -- homeless.  Brazenly, I stared, secure behind my dark sunglasses...  

The man sat on the front row of the bus as if to say, "Here I am!"  He stank.  His hair unkempt, his nails long and dirty.  He had on open-toed slides with one sock on.  The bottom of his pants leg looked like it may have been crusted with dry blood.  Wrapped around his wrist were two plastic bags -- one with empty aluminum cans -- he clutched a plastic cup like what you'd find in a gas station.  He pulled a wad of bills from the cup, rifled through them, and dropped them back in the cup.  At some point, he looked up and his gaze pierced through my shaded eyes and deep into my heart.  This man had a history, a family perhaps...  maybe a son or daughter who cared or didn't care about him.  I wondered about him.  What was his story?  Had he served in Vietnam?  Where had he come from?  Surely he hadn't grown up on the streets...  What happened to send him to the callous, concrete streets of Ft. Lauderdale?  Where did he sleep at night?  Where did his money come from?  Where was he going on this bus?  (I assume he was trying to escape the heat of the day for a few hours...)

After we stepped off the bus, we entered into a world more familiar, but now more uncomfortable after my brush with reality.  The mall doors were pristine glass, polished and print-free.  Soothing musak filled the air as made-up saleswomen floated over the floor.  Saks Fifth Avenue was having a huge clearance sale 40-60% off everything in the store.  If you know me than you know that "Clearance" perks my ears like nothing else in the world.  Kim and I tore through the racks hoping to score some sweet deals on designer jeans, tops, dresses...  Even at 50% off, the price tags were so far out of my budget I felt unworthy to even touch them.  At any moment, I expected a saleslady to approach me and kindly ask me to take my cheap ass out of there...  How dare I enter their store carrying a backpack, wearing flip-flops...

Face it, Laina... You weren't made for the BCBG, True Religions, or the "shoo-shoo froo-froo" brands of the world.  Stick to your Gap and LL Bean... they're safe and sturdy, and familiar.  

Isn't it ironic that such vast differences mix so easily in our society?  How can I justify spending $100 on a pair of jeans (even IF it's on MEGA clearance?!) when I've just witnessed a man carrying around all his earthly possessions in two grocery bags?  

change of itenerary

cruddy day for the beach. going to the mall instead.

the life of a yachtie...

...watching TV with Tac (from Mississippi) and Phil (from Australia)... "I Love the Millennium..." it's nice... Phil's talking about a navigation class he's taking... I love to hear him talk. Just keeeeeep talking.

Went to Target with Kim (New Zealand) earlier this evening to get yachtie uniforms -- khaki shorts and white polo shirts. I'll probably go to the beach tomorrow and then I'll walk the docks on Friday... I'm still learning my way around -- got lost on the way to Wal-mart. Never made it to Wal-Mart, but I found a really cool looking Wachovia building...

More later...

First day of unemployment...

Hello all!

Well, 24 hours have passed, and I'm still kickin... in FACT, today was a very encouraging day!  I was unsure what to expect... anyway, here's the rundown...

So, last night the crew house was rockin with people -- 6 others besides myself.  Some were watching TV, others were in and out going to dinner, taking calls, going to class...  it was constant movement.  I laid low, keeping to myself and just observing.  SORRY!  I'm rather shy!

I went to bed rather early.  I've had a steady headache for the past few days... stress?  nerves?  dehydration?  Whatever, so I perched in my top bunk like a trooper and tried to stay still because 1) I didn't want to FALL OFF; and B) Every time I move it creaks and jiggles...  trying to be friendly to my roommates, you know.

Anyway, I survived the night somehow and flew down from my nest around 9 this morning.  I had an agenda already prepared for today, so I immediately got dressed and out the door.  First stop was Smallwood's -- the marine outfitter up the street.  There are notebooks there where crew put their resumes and captains often refer to them for day work or even full-time employment!  Next, I went off in search of International Yachtmaster Training Institute to register for my STCW '95 safety course.  The ladies in the office were very friendly.  One was French and the other Australian.  After I registered, I interviewed with two crew agencies -- The Crew Network and Crews Unlimited.  I got some valuable insight regarding my resume and I left both interviews feeling very confident and reassured that I am qualified and able to do this job.  

So, here I am - posting to you, my faithful readers.  I just finished refurbishing my resume and business card and I am about ready to post it online.  

It's hard to believe that all of this is REALLY happening!  I mean, I've been in a holding pattern for so long -- just dreaming and reading about doing this kind of work -- and now that it's finally HAPPENING...  EEEK!  But, I'm taking this all a day at a time and thanking the Lord that He's taking care of me.  

So, now I'm off to find a collared white polo shirt...  WAL-MART!  And possibly dip my toesies in the great Atlantic Ocean...  I'll probably go out with the other yachties this evening -- rub elbows, network a little... maybe meet a cute Australian deck hand... *wink* *wink*

Thanks again for reading, and maybe soon I'll have some pics to post!  YAY!

Home sweet crew house...

Okay!  So, it's official... I'm one of the crew.  I now reside on a top bunk and I'm sitting in the living room with an Aussie, a Kiwi, and three more Americans -- one really cute Georgia boy!  Everyone is really cool...  just laid back.  One of the Kiwis is a chief stew, so I fully intend on picking her brain about everything...  She's really nice.  Anyway, I don't know what's on the agenda for tonight, but I wish I had SOMETHING to do here... Everyone has their own things to do, and I'm kinna like.... "um, I'm new, I don't know where anything is, and I don't know anyone.  Please be nice to me and take me along wherever you go."  *lip poked out and quivering*  

My safety training class doesn't start until July 7th, so I'm gonna HAVE to network.  Find some kind, charitable soul to take me under her wing until I can fly on my own.  

So, the agenda tomorrow is to interview with a couple crew agencies and maybe take a walk down to the docks to see what's going on.  Actually, before THAT, I need to find some paper to print out resumes and some business cards... 

As for now, I'm going to update my resume so I will get calls and work and money.

Thanks for reading.

One small step...

Okay, so TODAY's THE DAY!!!  I couldn't sleep last night I was so hyped up...  it feels like the first day of school -- expectation, anxiety, excitement... sleep deprivation!  But, I'm determined to make the best of it, break out of my shell a little, and expand my little world... 

I'll update later.

Every mile a memory...

Four hundred eighty miles behind me, and less than three hundred to go...  My body is wiped out, but my head is racing.  So many thoughts going through my brain and I don't know where to just relax and allow sleep to take over.  

Got a pretty late start today.  Woke up around 9 am and putzed around.  Mommy tried to convince me that I should wait another day and leave really early Tuesday morning, but I told her that there was no way I'd be able to make the entire drive in a day.  I think she just wanted me to stay with her for a few more hours.  Around eleven, I announced that I should probably get going.  I packed the remaining bags in my car and shut the hatch.  Mommy and Hannah-Leigh were both standing beside my car with frozen smiles.  "Well, here I go," I said, suddenly nervous as tears battled with my eyelids.  That started the flood.  

"This is what you've always dreamed of doing," Mommy whispered through her own deluge.  I embraced her and wished she wouldn't cry.  When I pulled away, I saw tears escaping down my sister's eyes, too.  Seeing them both cry was hard, and I couldn't bear looking at them.  Tears drenched my face as I drove down the driveway.  The were still standing there watching me when I rounded the curve out the drive.  

The lyrics of a Patty Griffin song rang though my head, "Oh, off you go into the summer..."  it is a song about soldier going off to war, but the lyrics ring of a mother's pride and sadness at seeing her child leave.  

So, tomorrow I step into a new chapter of my life...  tonight the page will turn and the Great Author of my life will continue on with this adventure.  If you had told me a year ago that I would be leaving home like this, locking all my possessions in storage, and setting off to destinations unknown, I would have probably laughed with both excitement and disbelief.  But here I am.  Two hundred-something miles away from triumph or disaster.  I pray that I am least moderately successful.  I feel like I'm living that scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indy is in the cave searching for the Holy Grail and he has to endure three tests.  One test is the "Step of Faith" where he must seemingly step out into thin air.  Essentially, this is what I feel I am doing...  

So, with eyes closed and heart open, I am extending my shaking foot.  Tomorrow morning I will step down.  What will I find?  Thin air or terra firma?  

a day of goodbyes...

when i woke up this morning, the goodbyes began.  goodbye to waking up in the comfort of home, goodbye to the sweet weight of a puppy nestled around my knees...  goodbye to the joy of watching him run carefree in the yard.  

then on the ride to his new home, i realized this would be our last ride like this.  the last time he would clamber onto my lap to see out.  the last time i would roll the window down so he could poke is sweet face into the wind.  when we arrived at his new home, he settled in more quickly than i had hoped.  what did i want?  he was surrounded by the things that made his

 home comfortable -- his bed and toys and food dish -- and he is a survivor.  he makes his home wherever he is.  

i promised myself i wouldn't cry when it came time to leave him behind, but like so many promises i've made, it is now broken.  i scooped him into my arms one last time and held him close -- breathing the deep the smell that has been such a comfort for the past four years.  i gripped his fur and pressed him close to my face.  "be good for mommy, my darling," i whispered so only he could hear, and i wept into his silky coat.   i held him high so that i could look into those doe eyes one more time and feel the pride and joy that comes with knowing such a creature.  "mommy loves you so much..." i said and i put him down.  i don't remember what i said to lisa and luis, but i hope they know that i am so grateful for their generosity.  at least now i can keep up with how he is.  

even as i write this, i weep for the pain of losing my beloved percy, and i wonder if i am doing the right thing.  how can doing the "right thing" be so painful?  how can anything that causes me to weep so much be a good thing?  clifton and mommy speak of choices requiring sacrifices.  percy is my sacrifice.  he is the one thing that i knew was going to hurt to leave behind me, and is supposed what hurts the most is the not knowing if i will ever again see him running to greet me when i walk in the door, if he will ever burrow under the covers to curl up at my knees, or if i will ever again drown in those deep black eyes.  for now, pictures and stories will have to do, but no matter where i go, what i see, and how long it is between visits, percy will always be my dog, i will always love him, and i will NEVER forget him.

so, even though you can't read this, i'll see you again, my darling monkey-head; and when i do, i'll have kisses and hugs for you like never before.  be good for mrs. lisa and mr. luis.  be nice to dagget and try not to poop on the floor.  i'll come see you as soon as i can, but until then i'll think of you every day and send you my love on the wind and in the sunshine.  

How the adventure began...

Thought you might like to see some pictures from my first foray into yachting...  

And the journey begins...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” (Mark Twain)

These words have been my mantra for my entire life, and Monday I embark on a journey that will (I hope) take me to exotic ports and experiences. I’m taking a tremendous risk as I pack my furniture into a storage room and sift through my clothes and only take what will fit into a duffle bag. Of course my trusty guitar is coming along, too... and my car. But other than that... I’m on my own.

This past week has been quite overwhelming. In less than 48 hours, my apartment went from well-lived-in to empty. My furniture, pots, pans, dish towels, and beaded curtain are all packed neatly in storage, and I’ve donated to charity over ten huge bags full of clothes. I’ve longed for the gypsy lifestyle, and now I have it. As I sit here in this, my childhood bedroom, I wonder when I’ll see these walls again. I wonder if I am making the right choice to move to another state and pursue a completely different career path. I wonder when I’ll return to the comfort of home... and I wonder if I’ll somehow find what I’m looking for.

I’m not nervous, I’m not anxious... well, I admit, maybe a little... But, more than anything, I am excited! This next chapter of my life is going to be one of adventure and unexpected surprises, and in the immortal words of Dr. Seuss, “You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. You know what you know. You’re the guy who’ll decide what direction to go.”

So may my bowlines fly freely in the warm trade winds of change, and may I keep my eyes to the horizon and never look back to the harbor.