Uganda Day 1: Kampala

Okay, so I'm just gonna pick up where my last post left off.

We met Sandy and Kristoff for lunch and we walked over to the "food court" a few buildings down from our hotel. Before we ate, though, Kimmie and I needed to exchange our American dollars for Ugandan Shillings. I gave the teller $70 and walked out with over 130,000 shillings! I felt rich, until I started seeing the prices! The food court looked like a one in a mall in America -- the perimeter housed the various food choices -- American, Chinese, Cuban, Lebanese, Indian, Italian -- and the center contained tables. I wasn't expecting the... ahem... ATTENTION we recieved when we arrived, though. Before we could even get seats, we were being hounded by representatives from each restaurant shoving menus on our table in our faces. If we took too long looking at one menu, another one would appear in our hands or the servers would point out items that we might like. There is no concept of personal space here, that's for sure.

After a satisfying lunch of Chicken Tikka Masala and Beef Curry (Kimmie and I shared), we took off to town to run some errands before heading into Gulu. We searched out a place to print the student manuals for our two-day kid's camp this weekend. At the third place, the courthouse, we found someone able to print and bind the manuals. The "printing" was to be done on an ancient copy machine stacked atop an even MORE ancient copier, housed in a "library"-- more like a small bedroom with shelves built around the edges. The walls were dingy ivory, streaked with who knows what flavor of brown gunk. After settling up on a price and a time to return, we returned to the market to "get our shop on".

The market consisted of 15 to 20 stalls of various sizes containing all sorts of treasures -- the typical African-style dresses and shirts, carved masks, baskets, necklaces and earrings, soapstone statues. Before too long, each stall began to look the same, although some did have unique items. Kristoff found an AWESOME drum with beautiful carvings all over it. I bought several things to bring back for people, and the COOLEST part of the whole deal was how inexpensive everything was! I did get some great deals, but it wasn't without it's fair share of stresses. The vendors must have known I was a sucker because they drew me in with a sweet "You come in. I'll give you a good deal!" At one stop, the ladies kept giving me dresses to try on -- dresses I didn't like and hadn't even been looking at! Once I finally said, "No" to each one and said that I would only buy the two items I wanted, they went up on the prices of the items. I managed to talk them down -- calling them on it -- and I think they were rather disgruntled, but they weren't going to fool THIS muzunu (the African term for "white person"... kinna like "gringo" in South America).

By 5:00, we were shopped out. We walked back to the courthouse to pick up the manuals, discovered that they weren't finished and to come back in an hour. An hour later, he still hadn't finished, so we agreed to come back in one and a half hours. At this point, we were exhausted and ready to go to the hotel, so we fought traffic -- and people selling vegetables and street preachers and boda bodas (scooters that carry up to 3 passengers). At times I didn't know where one lane ended and the other began, but Bosco was driving, and we were in a sturdy van, so I felt safe. In fact, I have never once felt threatened or fearful. I shopped at the market alone for part of the time, and I felt just fine. Of course, it was day time, and honestly as we were driving to the hotel last night, some of the things I saw didn't feel welcoming, but I'm not going out at night without at least two others and one MUST be a man -- if not Bosco, our driver.

SO, tomorrow, we are off to Gulu. The road is five hours of dirt, without "decent" bathrooms, and with PLENTY of bumps and potholes. I've come armed with my ginger pills as well as Dramamine in the case of an emergency, but I don't want to take anything if I don't have to. As long as I can get fresh air, I should be fine. Once I start getting hot, I get nauseus. YUCK!

In Gulu, we will not have any internet, but we'll only be there until Monday morning when we'll trek to Murchison Falls, further west. I'll be taking plenty of pictures, but my computer isn't cooperating with the internet here, so I don't know when or if I can get these things uploaded. I'll try to get facebook to cooperate, but the internet is so slow that I think the large sizes of the pictures overwhelms the system. I am trying to upload the photos to facebook and maybe I can link the album on to here? I don't know. Right now the sluggishness of the computer is mixing with the exhaustion in my body, and creating frustration! But, I think a few days away from technology will be good for me. I'll take plenty of pictures, though... and maybe I'll take some videos with Sandy's camera? Hers is far superior to mine!

Anyway, my patience is running short with this computer and I have to be up and at em by 8 in the morning, so I'm signing off for now. Keep praying for us as we journey deeper into the bush tomorrow. Pray that our drive will be swift and without hassels, our hosts would be receptive, and our health will be good!

GOOOOD MORNING, UGANDA!

As I post this, it's almost noon local time, and 4 am back home.  My body feels like it's been dragged across the Sahara and back again, but I'm happy.  I SAW AFRICA out my window this morning!  Actually, I saw a golf course, but I'M IN AFRICA!!!! 

Anyway, we landed in Entebbe at 1:30 am, after boarding the flight in Amsterdam, being delayed due to the Turkish flight crashing, having to wait until emergency crews cleared the area, THEN having to turn around mid-flight due to hydraulic problems.  In all, we didn't actually get to Entebbe until 5 1/2 hours after scheduled arrival.  BUT, we are safe and have all our luggage!  Praise God!

When I stepped off the plane, I realized QUICKLY that I wasn't in Kansas anymore.  The air was humid and warm, mosquitos EVERYWHERE, and the smell of a barnyard permeated everything.  And SILENCE!  Not like back home where there's always some noise intruding. No, the silence was refreshing and comforting.  

Once we made it to Kampala (about 30 minute drive from Entebbe), we settled into our room, took showers (but were careful to keep our faces out of the water due to the risk of parasites), and settled in for the night.  I slept like a rock, only waking when Sandy called to see if we wanted to get lunch.  (We're supposed to be meeting her now!)

I don't know what today holds, but I'll be taking pictures.  I'm rather frustrated because my computer isn't picking up the internet, so I have to use Kimmie's.  It'll make things more difficult, but I'll get some pics up.  

Thanks everyone for your prayers, don't worry about me, and keep in touch!

Stuck in Amsterdam...

Okay, so Kimmie and I have made it across the Atlantic to Amsterdam. Landed at 8 am, boarded our flight to Entebbe at 11, as scheduled, and had to turn around mid-flight because of a broken hydraulic system. We are scheduled to board the next flight departing at 3:45, so that will put us in Entebbe closer to midnight.

We are exhausted with our schedules being completely screwed up and our sleep being uncomfortable and quick naps. However, my adrenaline is keeping me going. I'm sure I'll crash tomorrow, if we can EVER make it to Africa!

I gotta run. Not much time left on my paid internet. LOVE you all!

So, I know I need to sleep because today (Monday) is bound to be one stinkin long day.  Our last day to wrap everything up before we leave for three weeks.  Hard to believe in 48 hours I'll be on a plane bound for Amsterdam!!  EEEK!

Anyway, I had to write about how incredibly BLESSED I am to be here and have the friends I do.  Tonight, Curly Paul had a "Shrove Sunday" party where he made pancakes and we pigged out on his culinary delights...  crepes, dutch babies, pumpkin pancakes...  you name it!  But, the best part of the whole evening was the fellowship.  I met some new friends and reconnected with some old ones.  We ended up staying until 1 am talking about relationships -- misconceptions we have, things we don't understand, and those ever-torturous "what ifs"...  And, as I drove away tonight, a sense of dread began to grow within me.  A foreboding that I may be required to leave these wonderful brothers and sisters before I am ready.  Can I do it?  Will I EVER be ready to leave them?

I've promised to do what the Lord has for me, and even though I don't know what that is, I know that He has my best interest at heart, and sometimes that will mean sacrifice and giving up some things that I love.  But, the thought of saying goodbye to my family here is almost as hard as saying goodbye to my "real" family back home.  I've bonded with these people, shared in the laughter and tears and frustrations.  They've rooted themselves in my heart, and I'm not so ready to let them go.  BUT, I will follow the Lord wherever He leads, and if that means away from these wonderful people, then so be it.  

Africa, Israel, What I Know So Far...

So, this week and last has been a WHIRLWIND planning/preparation for our trip to Africa.  We still have a good bit to do, but somehow we've managed to get a LOT done already!  SO, here's a brief run-down of what we've been and will be doing.

-- Prep for the Journey --

We will be working with traumatized youth in a village called Gulu, Uganda.  It's a SUPER-long, winding, and difficult story to explain (I don't even know all the ins and outs of it!), but suffice to say that this village has seen atrocities that we could never IMAGINE.  Thus, they are traumatized--suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression/anxiety, and suicide.  Invest in Children (the organization I'm going with) uses music and art to help kids all over the world -- Indian reservations, Russian orphanages, hurricane-ravaged Honduras, etc. -- recover from their wounds.  While we are in Uganda, we'll be hosting a weekend camp for kids and then training the teachers in the community on how to work with these youth.  

I've been learning a LOT about the brain -- how trauma (even minor) can cause a change in mood, behavior, and cognitive ability -- and much of what I've been learning I'll be teaching at the training.  

-- The Trip Itinerary --

Tuesday, Feb 24th

Depart Charleston at noon, for Newark.  Depart Newark at 7 pm for an overnight flight to Amsterdam.  

Wednesday, Feb 25th 

Arrive in Amsterdam at 8:15 am.  BRING ON THE HASH BARS!  Hahaha... just kidding.  Depart for Entebbe, Uganda at 11 am and arrive at 9 pm.  Stay in Kampala.  SO, the first leg of the trip will take us 18 hours.  

Thursday, Feb 26th 

Adjust, sleep, acclimate to the new climate, culture, and time zone!

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

Friday, Feb 27th

Prep for camp and head to Gulu.

Saturday and Sunday, Feb 28th and Mar 1st

Kid's camp in Gulu.  I'll be leading worship, small group, and teaching the "soul cards" class (basically collages), and whatever else needs to be done!  Here's an example of my soul card.  The theme of the collage is "Things that Give me Hope"

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Mar 2-4th

Trip to Murchison Falls National Park for rest and relaxation, preparation, a safari?, shopping?

Thursday or Friday, Mar 5th or 6th

Back in Gulu to prep for teacher training.  

Saturday, Mar 7th

Teacher training.  I'll be teaching the session on PTSD and Soul Cards.

Sunday, Mar 8th

Church?

Monday, Mar 9th

Depart at 5 pm for Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  Arrive at 7:15.

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

Tuesday, Mar 10th

Meet with pastors and counselors seeking to open a safehouse for women and children escaping the sex trade.  Will probably learn more about this in the near future.

Weds, Mar 11th

Depart Ethiopia at 11pm

Thurs, Mar 12th

Arrive Tel Aviv at almost 3 am.

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

Friday-Sunday, Mar 13-15th

Meet with contacts about camps, tour Jerusalem, maybe go to Bethlehem?

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

Monday, March 16th

Depart Tel Aviv at 10 am, Arrive in Newark at 4 pm (a 12 hour flight, though!); Arrive in Charleston at 10:30 pm.  HOME!!

In all, I'll be logging almost 17,000 miles and almost 40 hours in the air.  QUITE a journey, eh? But rest assured, I'll be logging every step of the way -- I invested in a 1 gig memory card and extra lithium batteries, I'll be blogging and uploading my pictures every chance I get (which may not be often if we are in areas where internet is expensive or unavailable).

A Little Bit Lonesome...

Okay, so I don't know if I'm hormonal (probably) or getting stressed about the upcoming trip, but tonight I got depressed for the first time in a LONG time.  Nathan had come over to practice dancing with us -- Nicole, Misha, Tracy, and I -- and things started out really well.  We were all laughing, making mistakes, practicing what we had learned the other night at the Cha-Cha class.  But, at one point, everyone started dancing with each other -- Misha with Nathan and Nicole with Tracy -- and I realized that I was the oddball in the situation.  Everyone was laughing and recalling inside jokes and silly habits they had, and a wave of "I'm an outsider" washed over me as I saw their familiarity with each other.  I can't dance as well as they can and haven't been dancing with them for long.  

Anyway, my good mood went crashing down, and I retreated to Kimmie's room to pack for the trip.  Kimmie never questioned why I had left the practice session, but I still had to fight back tears as I tried to throw myself into the packing and keep from throwing my pity party (which I'm an EXPERT at); but all the laughter and fun they were having on the other side of the door crushed me even more.  They never even came looking for me.  After Nathan and Misha left, Tracy and Nicole came into the room.  Nicole said they had called for me, but Tracy said she'd never heard them looking for me.  Whatever.  They were having fun, and that's fine.  I shouldn't have worn my feelings on my sleeve or been so sensitive.  They didn't MEAN to hurt my feelings. 

But, as I considered the crossroads that I am at in life -- how fluid everything is right now and how I don't know where I'll be once I return from Africa -- I realized that I should get USED to feeling like the outsider.  If I return to yachts, I won't be like the other pirates and wenches who prowl the bars and pubs on their time off.  If I stay here, I'll always be a year behind them in how much they know about each other and dancing and everything else.  I've always longed for that sort of close connection with a group of friends -- like what I've had here these past few weeks.  I don't want to lose that, but I also don't want to be considered "the new girl"... or the outsider.  Not that they have EVER made me feel this way.  As usual, it's based on nothing more than my own jealousy and pessimism.  And, if I go back home, I won't be able to see things the same as I did before I left.  

I definitely haven't gotten over my gypsy ways; in fact, I'm perhaps worse now than I was this time last year.  I have gotten a taste of the adventure (about to get a BIGGER taste!) and it's whet my appetite for more!  I'm content with living out of a bag, making do with what I have, and not indulging in manic shopping sprees.  I'm free of responsibilities like rent/mortgage, a significant "other," and children, and I'm still to selfish to WANT those things right now.  I'm finally figuring out who in the world I am, and it's scary and exciting and beautiful.  But finding myself has been a rather uncomfortable experience in many ways -- my life has been reduced to a guitar and a duffle bag, I sleep on a couch, my heart has been broken and mended and broken again, I don't have my "own space" even though Kimmie tries her best to give me a little of it here and there.  Even going "home" isn't home anymore. 

 I don't mean to sound so negative.  Everyone I've talked to says I'm at a great place in my life.  Kimmie calls it beautiful.  I'm living life like Christ lived -- without earthly ties, solely focused on going where the Lord leads.  Rich Mullins wrote a song called "You Did Not Have a Home" about how the world couldn't "own" Jesus because He didn't have a home here.  And, in many ways, I can see how I'm being led into a closer relationship with God BY my restless heart.  The things in my storage room and duffle bag are just THINGS -- replaceable and worthless in the grand scheme of things.  Why do I even bother keeping all that crap anyway?  In fact, I was joking with Kimmie how my possessions would be reduced to a backpack and guitar by this time next year if I kept at the rate I was going.  And honestly?  That's cool with me.  I don't WANT to feel attached to my things.  But, I still am.  I'm still bound by social expectations to look a certain way.  I still fill my silence with entertainments of various sorts.  And I still crave the security of being prepared for every possible scenario.  But, my desire and dream is to reduce EVERYTHING into a day pack -- live off the provision of God in the situations I find myself.  Have my journal and camera to record my adventures, basic hygiene supplies, a couple changes of clothes, and Jolene.  That's all.  I would love to be able to traipse around Europe alone and not be lonesome or afraid.  I would LOVE to be able to REST peacefully while not knowing where the next day might take me.  

And who knows?  Maybe one day I'll be there.  But there's always the knowledge of what I'm missing out on.  So the question remains, what's the adventure and freedom and independence worth? 

My Amazing Valentine's Weekend!

Here in Charleston, my circle of friends is a LOT like Friends and Party of Five.  It's a healthy mixture of single guys and girls who are all quirky and unique and TOTALLY AWESOME.  

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

We're always getting together for one thing or another -- ballroom dancing on Saturday nights, church on Wednesdays, jam sessions, coffee, etc. -- but when the guys approached us about taking us out for Valentine's Day, we were flattered and honored.  

First off, we stressed about the age-old "WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?!" dilemma.  Nate said "dressy" but... really?  Have you SEEN dresses these days?  Some guys think dressy is a dress, skirt, skort or derivative of the aforementioned items.  In THEIR minds, dressing up means not wearing jeans and a t-shirt, tucking their shirts in.  GIRLS think dressy as cocktail, ball gowns, black-tie affair...  So, on Thursday night, we finally called Nate to ask him to define "dressy"... we each had a different interpretation.  After tossing out some foreign fashion terms to him (business casual?  cocktail?  party?  church?  bridesmaid? [hehe] We might have been speaking Swahili for all he was concerned...) he defined his idea of "dressy" as a "special occasion church dress".... "Think, Easter dress," he said.  "Sooo... you want us to dress like pastel eggs?"  Tracy asked, in a way only SHE can verbalize.  After a moment's pause, he replied, "Yes, but without the pastels..."  We hung up more confused than when we started.  Thank GOD for the LBD -- Little Black Dress -- every girl's savior when she gets the call to "dress up".  

SO, after solving our fashion emergency, we convened upon the house for a fast and furious gussy-ing up session.  After donning my LBD, fixing my hair, and fastening my pearls, I looked like June Cleaver on prom night.  Oh how CLASSY!  The guys arrived promptly at 7:30, each of them proudly holding a white rose -- which they quickly passed on to the nearest lady.  I have to admit, they cleaned up nicely -- button-down shirts, ties!, even dress shoes!  After exchanging hellos and how are yous, we boarded our luxury mini-van and convoyed downtown to the Italian restaurant where our table waited.  (They left NO stone unturned!)  

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

After a delectable Italian meal, complete with insightful conversation and hearty laughter, we continued our "date" at Waterfront park where the guys continued to surprise us with a photo spree and then RINGs... well, Ring Pops... But, Nathan DID get down on one knee...  

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

So, after we got our rings, NONE of us were ready to call it a night, so we took off for a romantic walk along the pier.  One thing led to another, and before we could stop ourselves, we were DANCING!  

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

We danced and danced until our feet ached almost as much as our faces from smiling so much.  But, the night was not over yet.  The guys brought us home, and as every great date ends with sweet kisses, ours ended with one from each of our handsome escorts.  

From Explore. Dream. Discover.

Of course, as girls USUALLY do, we went inside and rehashed everything that happened that night -- marveling at how fortunate we were to have such sweet and thoughtful guys in our lives.  We found out that NONE of us girls had ever been on a date for Valentine's Day before.  So, this night was definitely special for each of us.  In FACT, we all admitted that now, we're spoiled.  Those men definitely raised the bar, and we girls won't be able to accept any carelessly thought out dates from now on.  Too bad, boys.  I've tasted the gourmet dating scene, so I won't be content with fast food anymore!

Things are going so well here.  I haven't been as content and happy like this ANYWHERE else, and it just goes to show that I am exactly where I need to be.  

The Journey of a Lifetime!

I haven't said much about it, but that's because I don't know much about it myself.  But, over the past few days I've gotten some more details about my upcoming trip overseas.  

Kimmie and I will be traveling to Uganda for two weeks, Ethiopia for two days, and Israel for about 5 days.  We will be working with children in Gulu (Uganda) who had been kidnapped and forced to become soldiers against their own people.  Obviously, the horrors they witnessed while with the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army -- an extremist group terrorizing the people) have traumatized these children, so many of them deal with anger and depression and post traumatic stress disorder.  We will be working with them using art and music to help them heal from the pain they have endured.  We will also be training the adults in their community on how to understand their issues and work with them.  For more information on this community, check out the Invisible Children website.  There you can see videos about the plight of this community.

In Ethiopia, we will be meeting with pastors who are trying to open a safe house for women and children escaping from the sex trade.  I don't know much about this, but it is definitely an atrocity that needs to stop.  I'll post more info as I get it.  

In Israel, we plan on meeting with contacts about starting arts programs there for kids who have been ravaged by the ongoing conflicts between Palestinians and Israelis.  We will be staying in Tel Aviv for a few nights then moving on to Jerusalem.  Sandy briefly went over some of the details about where we would be going, but I didn't catch it all.  Again, more info to come.

The past few days, we've been planning for the trip -- today we packed supply suitcases and they are HEAVY!!!  We also continued our study the psychological effects of damaging the brain -- through trauma, stroke, or drug use -- even if you never lose consciousness.  It was fascinating that SO much can affect our moods, behaviors, thought patterns...  an overactive part in the brain can cause depression, anxiety, aggression, even suicide.  A DEAD part of the brain can impair judgement, mood control, and lead to addictions.  It makes me want to get MY brain scanned and see what's wrong with ME!!  HAHAHA!

In other news, tomorrow night we girls -- Kimmie, Tracy, Nicole, Beezee, Misha, and I -- have been cordially invited to attend dinner with the guys -- Nathan, Curly Paul, Duane, Jason, and Jacob.  Our first concern (because we are all WOMEN!!) was, "What in the WORLD are we going to WEAR?!"  We were told that it would be dressy attire as the boys are wearing jackets and ties, but guys have NO CONCEPT of what dressy means.  Basically, if it's a DRESS, it's dressy.  But, in women's world, there are casual dresses, business dresses, cocktail dresses, church dresses, summer dresses, ball gowns, prom dresses, bridesmaids dresses...  need I go on?  SO, needless to say, the past three days we've been in QUITE a quandary.  We called Nathan tonight -- the only guy who would know the difference between a cocktail dress and a casual dress -- and asked him what EXACTLY dressy meant.  He said "Easter dress"...  soooo.... we were to look like dyed eggs?  "Without the pastel colors," he clarified.  OOOH... so that REALLY cleared things up for us.  

In the end, we thank GOD for the LBD (Little Black Dress) that pretty much fits into ANY fashion emergency.  So, we'll all look like we've just returned from a funeral, but we won't get any citations from the fashion police!  

The Lord Giveth, Taketh Away, and Teaseth...

My life the past several weeks has been one of surrender...  I've lost my job, been sleeping on a couch, dependent upon the mercy and generosity of a house full of girls... I've surrendered my desperate "need" for security and plans for a life of day-by-day faith so much so that I am now leaving for Uganda, Ethiopia, and Israel in the next few weeks.  None of this could have happened if I was still working on boats.

One of the hardest parts of my life to surrender has been a certain relationship.  I have struggled with letting God have this part of my life for months.  This person has been purposely out of touch and ignoring me, and it hurt me terribly to experience such closeness with someone, only to have that communication severed so abruptly.  But, after last week's love encounter with God, I realized that my clinging to this person was only keeping me from everything I could be with Jesus.  As my dear friend Christy once told me, "If anything is standing between you and God,say a situation or someone, then God is likely to remove it so you can concentrate on Him. When He is your first love He will give you others..."  I knew that I needed to give this situation to the Lord, and everything would work out as it should.  So, on my loooong drive home last Wednesday, I prayed to God about this person, asking God to have His way, give me strength to focus on Him and not on this other person...  I prayed that on the drive home, too.  I hadn't heard from this person in two months, and I didn't expect to hear from him ever...  But, God had different plans.

When I logged on to facebook tonight, I had a message from him.  After dealing with all the rejection, I couldn't deal with him suddenly popping back into my life.  So, I decided to wait a day or two before replying.  Before I had a chance, he IMed me and I HAD to talk to him then.  Honestly, I'm so glad he did.  We aired out SO much that I had been holding on to...  Even now, as I mentally replay our conversation, I realize that it was all God's work.  I don't anticipate hearing from him again for a while, but I do know that I am resting peacefully tonight because once again, the Lord is proving His power and love for me.

Today's Fortune Cookie says...

"You will find good fortune in love."  

Funny...  Love was the very topic of tonight's church service... Love was the topic of tonight's dinner conversation...  Hell, seems to be the topic of the month.  

My birthday was yesterday.  Whoopee.  One more year older, one more year alone...  I don't really like to celebrate birthdays.  I'm not even thirty yet, but I'm already avoiding "getting older".   Needless to say, I've done a bit of thinking in the past few days, and I've grown a bit sad that I'm swiftly approaching 30 and I still haven't found "the one."  I was fortunate enough to be born, however, in the month dedicated to love (or in a single's perspective, the lack thereof), so with all the chocolate hearts and pink and red balloons I see, I wonder when I'll ever have those things bought for me.  

Which brings us to tonight's church service.  It was called "MeHarmony" and it was about God's love for us.  How we can NEVER give away love if we haven't first accepted His love because He IS love.  It began to make me think about some things in my own life...  

We sang this song before and after the message, and it washed over me like a wave... it has been so long since I wept cleansing tears, and that is what happened to me tonight.  I wept away all the junk that has been hounding me for weeks as I felt the Lord's arms wrap around me and pull me close.  Nobody on this earth could ever love me like God has loved me.  Nobody would take me back again and again after all I've done.  Nobody would endure the torture and agony of execution in my place.  Nobody.  But God isn't human.  He doesn't see like we see, or feel like we feel, or love like we love.  And I am so glad for that.  

So, as I drove home tonight, I realized that I have already had the greatest fortune in love.  We all have.