... And then I came home...

So, I'm home now... almost 2 weeks since I returned and my life has been forever changed. The stories and faces, flavors and sounds have been forever tattooed on my heart, and I will never look at my puny life the same. Maybe one day God will send me back, maybe not. Whatever the case, I will forever champion their cause.

But at this point, I'm back home and awaiting some word on what my next step is... Going to the doctor tomorrow to find out what is going on with me. I'm expecting to need surgery of some kind. But what then? How will I pay for said procedure? How long of recovery are we talking about?

And after THAT, what should I do? My parents and I have been struggling with my finances like crazy, and we're looking at possibly selling my car. Cool with me, but how will I get around then? Of course, if I get on a boat, I won't NEED a car. BUT, if I go back to Charleston (which is what I'm hoping for), I WILL need a car (and a reliable one at that). If I stay here, I can get a cheap clunker that my brother will be working on every weekend. AHH! It's ALL SO DIFFICULT!

Whatever the next step is, I KNOW that God's got it under control. I know there are some people who think that I'm crazy for thinking this way... I've been brainwashed into believing that God's gonna send money from Heaven to pay my bills. But, I can't help but remember how He's taken care of me in the past. Not just with money issues but by keeping me out of situations that would harm me and by putting me IN situations that prepared me for more difficult times... One of the songs that's been especially on my heart these past few days is a song by Ginny Owens called "If You Want Me To". It's seemed to be my testimony and hope over the last two months especially, and I draw a great deal of strength knowing that there IS a reason for all this insanity...

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I go through the valley If You want me to