Going on a job hunt, a job hunt, a job hunt...

Okay, so the hunt continues, and honestly I feel like a greyhound chasing after that elusive stuffed bunny...  chances are slim that I'll be the lucky winner-- I'm neither the fastest, slimmest, nor in the right place at the right time.  Needless to say, it's beginning to wear me down.

Chris leaves on Wednesday or Thursday and there is no telling if or when I'll ever see him again.  Of course, we both want to keep in touch, but one never knows with this industry.  I'm kicking myself that I didn't accept the position on his boat... of course, after the way the chief stew (who shall remain unnamed but you can find out if you look at my previous posts) spoke to me the other night, I'm glad I'm not trapped in a job with her for another six months.  

I had a job interview on Thursday, but I got an email this morning saying that the chief stew hadn't selected me for a second interview.  Fine.  Sometimes I wonder what these people are really looking for... some cute prissy girl to look good in a uniform?  or someone who is going to actually do a good job?  someone not afraid of hard work, getting dirty, or messing up her hair?  Granted, I'm not saying that the cute girls searching for jobs as stews can't do a good job, but when housemates admit that they don't know how to iron, leave their wet towel on my bed, and make comments like "I'm SO not domestic!" YET, they are still offered jobs at the drop of a hat, it really makes me wonder...  

At any rate, I'm noticing my depression deepening into becoming more edgy with my housemates.  I don't mean to be, but it's hard to stay positive when I'm literally down to my last few dollars and I'm having to call home for money.... and the bills continue to pile up.  On Wednesday, I'm supposed to pay rent, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to pay for it.  I might have enough money on my credit card, but it would cost half as much to take the Amtrak train up to Charleston and see about getting work up there.  Of course, that could be a potentially fatal decision if jobs *suddenly* start pouring in.  I'm to the point of tears right now...  That's why I'm trying to stay to myself which usually means I'm curled in a fetal position on my bed either reading, staring into space, or sleeping.  

There is a job fair today, and I'm fully intending on going (along with every OTHER crew member in the tri-city area!)  I already know I'm just going to be another blurry face to the captain and crew agents represented there, but I've got to try.  I'm armed with about 20 resumes and a handful of business cards, I've got my make-up on and my "crew-niform" ready to go...  (a crew-niform is the standard white polo shirt and khaki or navy shorts)  I don't know what is going to happen, and I'm TRYING to have a good attitude about this.  But honestly, I'm so depressed that I'm exhausted and sick to my stomach.  I don't even feel like playing my guitar any more.  I just want to run away from it all...

On a lighter note, I was contacted by a talent scout about my music, and she wants to put me forward to have some music on an indie film's soundtrack.  Here goes MORE rejection...  (God!  I hate to be so negative!  But it isn't as disappointing as getting my hopes up and then having them let down.)  Anyway, Kimmie wants me to come up to Charleston to record some music with her to post onto my website.  I'd be working with a professional producer with REAL recording equipment in a studio.  I honestly feel unworthy of this sort of treatment.  Kimmie has always been SO encouraging and uplifting... she's always helped me and sacrificed her busy schedule for me.  

Anyway, I've got to pull myself out of this funk.  It's only a HORRIBLE vicious cycle that isn't going to get me anywhere but further down and away from what I've been looking for.  I need a a job and sitting around the crew house isn't going to get me anywhere NEAR that goal.