a day of goodbyes...

when i woke up this morning, the goodbyes began.  goodbye to waking up in the comfort of home, goodbye to the sweet weight of a puppy nestled around my knees...  goodbye to the joy of watching him run carefree in the yard.  

then on the ride to his new home, i realized this would be our last ride like this.  the last time he would clamber onto my lap to see out.  the last time i would roll the window down so he could poke is sweet face into the wind.  when we arrived at his new home, he settled in more quickly than i had hoped.  what did i want?  he was surrounded by the things that made his

 home comfortable -- his bed and toys and food dish -- and he is a survivor.  he makes his home wherever he is.  

i promised myself i wouldn't cry when it came time to leave him behind, but like so many promises i've made, it is now broken.  i scooped him into my arms one last time and held him close -- breathing the deep the smell that has been such a comfort for the past four years.  i gripped his fur and pressed him close to my face.  "be good for mommy, my darling," i whispered so only he could hear, and i wept into his silky coat.   i held him high so that i could look into those doe eyes one more time and feel the pride and joy that comes with knowing such a creature.  "mommy loves you so much..." i said and i put him down.  i don't remember what i said to lisa and luis, but i hope they know that i am so grateful for their generosity.  at least now i can keep up with how he is.  

even as i write this, i weep for the pain of losing my beloved percy, and i wonder if i am doing the right thing.  how can doing the "right thing" be so painful?  how can anything that causes me to weep so much be a good thing?  clifton and mommy speak of choices requiring sacrifices.  percy is my sacrifice.  he is the one thing that i knew was going to hurt to leave behind me, and is supposed what hurts the most is the not knowing if i will ever again see him running to greet me when i walk in the door, if he will ever burrow under the covers to curl up at my knees, or if i will ever again drown in those deep black eyes.  for now, pictures and stories will have to do, but no matter where i go, what i see, and how long it is between visits, percy will always be my dog, i will always love him, and i will NEVER forget him.

so, even though you can't read this, i'll see you again, my darling monkey-head; and when i do, i'll have kisses and hugs for you like never before.  be good for mrs. lisa and mr. luis.  be nice to dagget and try not to poop on the floor.  i'll come see you as soon as i can, but until then i'll think of you every day and send you my love on the wind and in the sunshine.